I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
