The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
