bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
