chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
