the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
