Umm I'm too high to move.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize