My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
