I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
