he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
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