The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
