I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
