Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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