Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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