The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
