Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
