I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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