Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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