I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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