so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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