I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
