GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
