I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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