His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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