Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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