Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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