clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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