FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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