i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
