Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
