this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
