I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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