It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
