Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
