After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
