My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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