Already got asked if we're dating
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
