when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
