can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
