I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
