sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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