I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
