My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Boobs are out for the taking
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
