I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
