I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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