Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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