I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
