thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
