Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
