I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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