jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
