oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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