please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
