My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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