He kissed a someone with a penis
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
