omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
