Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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