Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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