This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
