so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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