Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
