I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
