I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize