Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
