Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize