So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
